Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
