I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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