you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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