i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
