I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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