It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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