Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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