I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I need water and some morals
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
