He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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