Kiss
Puke
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
