I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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