im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
