We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
