yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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