Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
