pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
