The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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