I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
