So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I need water and some morals
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
