so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
