fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
