I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am midnight drunk by noon
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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