your room smells of hookers.
And success
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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