You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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