If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
