do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
