Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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