i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
