I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
