if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
