my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
