Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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