awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
