Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
