I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
