sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
