I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I checked into jail on foursquare
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
