Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
