Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
