Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
