Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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