im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
