I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
