remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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