some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
