I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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