i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
