you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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