she was so not down for the gang bang
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
