Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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